My Opinion on Sex Toy Parties

…is that they have to be done by someone knowledgeable enough on the subject, inclusive of all communities, and good at presenting. If you don’t have one of these three skills, then please, please work on it as best you can. Be open about the fact that you’re still working on it. And if you proclaim yourself the top sex toy saleswoman in the state then you better be damn good at it.

Unfortunately tonight, I attended a sex toy party that made me cringe. In fact, my staff hosted it in the hall as an educational program and I was excited to come out and support them. This woman was enthusiastic, had some fun games, and looked like she really loved her job.

However, more was wrong with the presentation than was good ((in my opinion)). The first thing I noticed was that she was not using inclusive language; the entire time she talked about the woman in the room “pleasing their man” and what not to tell “him” about the products. Not once did she make any attempt to acknowledge that there may be those of other sexual orientations in the room. By about the fifth time she said something about “him” I was ready to stand up and call her out in the middle of the room.

I also didn’t appreciate her lack of care for consent when picking people to participate in her games. There’s nothing wrong with hilariously embarassing and awkward games at a sex toy party, as long as you ask people if they’re okay participating. I realize any of us could have said no – I explicitly did during a “get it in the hole” game because I knew such public touching of my staff member in that manner could be construed as sexual misconduct, especially in front of a group of residents. But our presenter never once asked. She called volunteers out of the crowd before giving them any hint of what they were doing. She squirted drops of an unknown liquid on the fingers of four women before telling them to go up to the bathroom and put it on their clit. Um, excuse me? You couldn’t have asked, or given them a hint of the activity before that?

Most annoyingly, she kept telling us that certain items were made of silicone that I knew were jelly or TPE. Even when she discussed the issue of silicone lube used with silicone toys, she mentioned that “almost all of the toys [she] was talking about today [were] silicone”. Um, no, they aren’t. I pointed that out to the folks sitting around me. Loudly.

There’s nothing wrong with being a sex toy saleswoman; hell, as soon as EdenFantasys gets some kind of program on board, I’ll be jumping all over it. But I’m going to be damned well informed about my materials. And, if I’m not sure about something, I’ll be honest with my customers. I’ll get their contact information and find out what they want to know. I’ll be honest, and showcase products that I know are fantastic. And hopefully, if I’m really good, I won’t have to cringe at my own presentations.


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  1. 1

    This. Is. Horrible. This sounds worse than the singular one I attended where it was all overpriced toys and gimmicky jelly shit and things I would never, ever be able to sell to people. I hope that those who attended weren’t scarred for life on sex toys!

    1. 1.1

      I think most of the women there just came out for a hilarious experience, so in that sense I wasn’t too concerned. I just wish it had been a properly educational event for them.

  2. 2

    Ugh. Unfortunately this is pretty much exactly what I witnessed at the sex toy parties I’ve been to. The heteronormativity is suffocating, and the lack of knowledge about materials made me want to scream. I hadn’t thought about the consent issue before, but you are so right. It’s just not okay to force people to do sexual things, no matter if it’s “fun and games” or not.

  3. 3

    That’s some really good advice! I’ve been to tons of parties and didn’t even really think about some of the things you mentioned. I’m going to send this link to my friend Tamara Bell from hpppa.org because I think her members would want that perspective. Good for you :)

  4. 4

    Dusk – you are right. Also, the Sales Woman should not be missing on the material by which the product is made. This needs to be an educational event, giving all the details of the product, which would facilitate them whether or not to go for that product. Making sexually fun of others that too in front of their colleagues is not a healthy trend. In fact, the sales woman should have consulted whom she is going to call and what she is going to do in front of others, so that everyone is prepared for the event, well in advance.

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